I guess I expected to be okay this past weekend.(jokes on me) It would have been Jaxson's 7th Birthday and I thought I would be able to have a party for him, do a balloon release, make him a cake, and you know do some of the things I normally would do if he was [...]

Doing my best

How could it be 4 months already. 4 months of feeling this huge void in my life. I'm frequently asked what can be done to help me and the answer is , I don't know. I don't know what I can do for myself at times so I damn sure don't know what someone else [...]


There is the overwhelming feeling that comes over me whenever I think of you. To keep my sanity, I have to pretend like the day you left me never happened so I can manage throughout the day. And even doing that is tough. Because how could I ever forget that day. I am horrible at [...]

Life without you 😔

I decided to not count how long you have been gone anymore because no matter how long it has been, the way I feel will not change based off of time. ( maybe in some years I will feel differently). Today I woke up feeling tired, just tired, and my throat felt funny but, I [...]

In Case You were Wondering

I have never ever missed someone as badly as I miss Jaxson. I would always tell him, "Mommy loves you so so much." But with him being physically gone, I have realized that I love him much much more than I could ever imagine. January 13th will forever be a day that's etched in my [...]

13 Hours

Jax has had 2 major surgeries prior to this one but this one was different. We made it to the hospital around 1:30am Thursday September, 20th. Jax was able to eat, and drink until 5am. He also went and had an x-ray done as well as blood work. After 5am he wasn't allowed to have [...]

Im on a Diet or Whateva

About 2 weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to make a change. Timehop ( Facebook posts, images that often time remind you of how responsible you were) kept popping up reminding me how much smaller I was and unfortunately, that kinda got me down. I didn't want to do a fad diet but do [...]