understanding

You held on for as long as you were intended to Jaxson. You helped me obtain knowledge I never knew I could, survive when I felt I could not, and fight for you the best way I knew how. I cant lie and say that I don't question everything. Should we have not accepted the [...]

Rambling

After Jaxson's Memorial January 26th, I spent the weekend in Texarkana. I headed back to Dallas late Sunday afternoon happy with how Jaxsons Celebration had turned out but still feeling hollow inside. Monday I go to the apartment to pick up a package only to find out that since Jax passed away and even though [...]

Amy was right. She was right when she told me I would be lost. She was right when she said I would have to find myself. If you ask me now, "Kandiss....Who are you?" I would not be able to answer. If you would switch the word are to were then I could tell you. [...]

Frustration

Today is just one of those days. I'm having anxiety, sadness, anger and I could not tell you why. I think it may  have been triggered because I had to retake Jaxson's  broviac line 3 times. I feel like I could go outside cry hysterically and scream. I think I'm one of those people that [...]

You Know when you have expectations for people, 9 times out of 10 they will fail to meet said expectations. It can be beyond frustrating because half of the time, the tasks that are not being fulfilled should be common sense. With some people in my life, I say that it is okay. ( it [...]

Expectations

I guess I expected to be okay this past weekend.(jokes on me) It would have been Jaxson's 7th Birthday and I thought I would be able to have a party for him, do a balloon release, make him a cake, and you know do some of the things I normally would do if he was [...]

Doing my best

How could it be 4 months already. 4 months of feeling this huge void in my life. I'm frequently asked what can be done to help me and the answer is , I don't know. I don't know what I can do for myself at times so I damn sure don't know what someone else [...]

Feelings🙁

There is the overwhelming feeling that comes over me whenever I think of you. To keep my sanity, I have to pretend like the day you left me never happened so I can manage throughout the day. And even doing that is tough. Because how could I ever forget that day. I am horrible at [...]