Being Selfish 🌺

If you are anything like me.. well anything like most mother’s, then  You  almost always come last and everyone else is first.  The two things I really do first is waking up and brushing my teeth before Jax  lol. He  eats first, gets dressed  first and everything else and then I half -a$$ get myself together.  That usually consists  of me forgetting things and having to come in and out of my apartment when I remember. I can tell you about Jaxson’s  meds, social, vitals, how many broviac repairs , and etc but when asked what my birthday was , I blurted  out his 😂.  He’s my child I love him, I want him healthy,happy and everything above that. But what  I’ve learned (and it was the hard way) is that in order to take care of him like I want, I also need to take care of myself. You know stuff like sleeping, remembering to eat( I do that often), going to get a pedicure, buying unnecessary  things at Target. I had to start doing things like because I was lost. Almost like a robot. Same routine  which entailed  forgetting about me. It is okay to put yourself first,  it doesn’t mean that you don’t  love your child, friends or whomever. You have to breathe, relax , give yourself a pep talk.. just do whatever you need to get YOU back. I was so so so so stressed and depressed at one point. I could not  even  tell you why I was crying. I recall  within  an hour being happy, sad, angry and then blank. I was on E.  Mentally  drained. I would let irrelevant  people’s  actions and words  affect  me. I would question myself “Could I be a better Mom ?”, “Will anyone ever want me?”, “Am I Smart enough?”.  The answers to those questions now are hell no I can not be a better Mom because you can not get better than Me, I’m beautiful  inside and out , of course the right man will come my way  and want me and yes you better believe I am Smart! It took a dark moment in my life to finally make me SELFISH. I do have some days where it gets tough but I don’t let it overshadow all of the progress that  I have made!  Just Love yourself the best that you can and it makes a whole world of  a difference.  Also .. don’t be afraid to seek help. Depression and anxiety are no joke. It is hard, especially when  you feel alone and like nobody  understands. You are wrong,  I understand and others do  too.  Also there is nothing wrong with you for feeling that way. Sometimes, everyone has bad,crazy,sad thoughts and feelings , it just effects others differently. Some choose to speak about it and some don’t . It took me a while but I am glad I did  because talking to the right person , believing more and being  the right dose of an antidepressant  has really helped me. So Be Selfish my friends It is okay! Until Next time Be kind to each other.

Kandiss 🌻

One thought on “Being Selfish 🌺

  1. I love this. This is so true. I have seen those emotions you so elegantly explained. You have came a long way. You so freaking awesome (like the song).

    Like

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