Life without you 😔

I decided to not count how long you have been gone anymore because no matter how long it has been, the way I feel will not change based off of time. ( maybe in some years I will feel differently). Today I woke up feeling tired, just tired, and my throat felt funny but, I pushed through as I always have done. I did not makeup this morning per usual and then took my butt to work. I was okay for the most part until about 2 hours in. I started to get a headache and then started to feel hot all over. (almost like I had suddenly got a fever) and then it was like a rush of memories and flashbacks about Jax. I broke down and had to take a break, it took me a few minutes to get myself together. ( I literally had a paper towel right underneath my eyes because like Jax would say I could not mess up my Makeups). I attempted to go back to doing my job which lasted all of 5 minutes before I began to cry again. I was allowed to leave work early and all I did was come to my brother’s house, shower and got in bed. Literally to make it through my days, I have to pretend that I did not watch you leave this earth. I have to pretend to be normal when 99% ofthe time I do not know what normal is. I am usually honest when asked How am I holding up or how are you doing because I respond, “I am not okay” or that I am doing my best. Most of the time I feel empty, so empty without you being here. You really were my sunshine. You are my sunshine and I can’t wait until we are together again. Mommy is trying to get herself back together so I can … be back together. I know what the missing piece is, well who the missing piece is and that is you. Thankfully I have people who love me dearly that are trying to help me pick up these pieces because trust they are scattered everywhere but where they need to be. I am trying to let others help me but that is So So Sooooo hard for me to do. Part of it is because I am independent and the other part is that I do not know what to tell anyone How they can help me. Life without you Sucks so much and I am trying to maintain it without your bossy self physically being around. Thank you for coming to see me in my dreams, Thank you for teaching me things I never knew I needed to learn, and for making me put alot of things into perspective. I promise to make you proud of me.

Until next time my friends, Be kind to one another ❤


2 thoughts on “Life without you 😔

  1. Thank you sooo much for your honesty! It’s truly healing for the soul even for others who are in the same situation. When it comes to loss of my Papa and my Dad one month apart learning a new normal has been challenging and sadly as time has gone on the way I’ve learned to cope is pretending it never happened. Obviously that doesn’t work that well but like you mentioned what else are you supposed to do. I just thank God for his sovereignty and keep us during this time. Love you and hope to catch up with you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love you, friend. I’m so happy to hear he came to you in your dreams. That was a prayer for you that I prayed, and I thank God for answering it. Evan came to me too. He hugged and kissed me, wrapped his arms around me to comfort me. He was dressed all in white. I know God holds them for us until we do it again. Big, tight hugs to you sweet Kandiss.

    Liked by 1 person

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