Amy was right. She was right when she told me I would be lost. She was right when she said I would have to find myself. If you ask me now, “Kandiss….Who are you?” I would not be able to answer. If you would switch the word are to were then I could tell you. I was attempting to be the Absolute best mom to this Amazing, ornery and smart little boy. I was the mom who could list every medication, every dosage, a mom who counted the days of every admission and everytime we waited for THE important phone call. I was the mom who loved and loved hard. I was blessed to be in the presence of a phenomenal being. I was and still am Jaxson’s Mom. But things are different now. I am still a mom but something is missing, someone is missing, Jax is missing. I never, ever once thought how it would be without him. 1 week since he took his last breath but I feel as if it has been 1 day. Perhaps I am stuck… in shock that this day had to come, that it happened.

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