Author: Kandiss Nash

I miss how you would just wrap your arm around my neck and rest your cheek on mine. How you would stretch your arms apart after I asked "How much do you love me?". I miss you face timing me while I was working to ask for Sprite, Coke, Funyuns, a happy meal, and a [...]

I have never ever missed someone as badly as I miss Jaxson. I would always tell him, "Mommy loves you so so much." But with him being physically gone, I have realized that I love him much much more than I could ever imagine. January 13th will forever be a day that's etched in my [...]

Jax has had 2 major surgeries prior to this one but this one was different. We made it to the hospital around 1:30am Thursday September, 20th. Jax was able to eat, and drink until 5am. He also went and had an x-ray done as well as blood work. After 5am he wasn't allowed to have [...]

When Jax was first relisted ( for his 2nd heart transplant) I knew there could be a long wait. We were initially told 9 - 12months which were (in my mind) no biggie because we had waited 9 months for his first heart. Well, 9 months turned into 13 months to 15months and so on [...]

It's been a while since I have posted. I was consumed with emotions (depression/anxiety), finances, school, being a mother, and a girlfriend. During all of this I completed my 28day (evolv) reboot and I lost 7lbs. (I didn't measure myself but my clothes fit better so I will assume that I lost a few a [...]

About 2 weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to make a change. Timehop ( Facebook posts, images that often time remind you of how responsible you were) kept popping up reminding me how much smaller I was and unfortunately, that kinda got me down. I didn't want to do a fad diet but do [...]

For a split second, I began to think,"How am I 30 years old in this position, I wish I had ( insert numerous things if my circumstances were different)." But it was literally for a second until I reminded myself " Don't start, You are doing a damn good job with what you have and [...]

Waking up to see your eyes swollen like this hurts my heart. CHD I wish you never existed. Why did you choose my son... or any child? CHD you've forced me to learn things and go through moments I would not wish on anyone. Swollen eyes = Fluid retention , which = poor heart function [...]

When people ask me how I manage my days my response is usually, "I Do Not Know." That is just the honest truth. For some sad people they think that I just stay at home all day with Jax and we have a grand ole time. That I haven't made any progress. How naive of [...]

In the past 800 days I've seen you go through 2 Picc line surgeries , 3 Broviac placements 16 broviac repairs and 2 biopsies. You've graduated from physical therapy, started kindergarten( at home), went from not knowing your colors and pronouncing words incorrectly to knowing how to count to 10 in Spanish and starting to [...]